On expectation

I remember hearing a mom speak about her grown children. The topic of the speech was on facilitating your children to know the Lord so that when they are adults, they are walking with Him. It was a great topic, and I listened with rapt attention. One of my bigger fears for my children is that they will walk away from the Faith they were raised in when they are adults. This fear has much to do with why I homeschool. I want to give my boys every foundational advantage to walking with the Lord when they are adults. I often pray that I will not be a stumbling block to their salvation in any way. As I listened to this mother, I was wholeheartedly agreeing with what she had to say, until she got to one part of her talk where she shared that her oldest son was not walking with the Lord, and that he "hadn't turned out." Something about that phrase jarred me. I got the picture of a cake baking in the oven, and collapsing into a flat mess when the door opens. But children aren't cakes. Is there really such a black and white line between "turned out" and "not turned out"? All of us have sinned and fallen short of his Glory. I don't think my heavenly Father is up in heaven, peering down at my behaviors and measuring whether I am "turning out" or not. And the same is true for my children. What I am doing by homeschooling my children is preparing for a harvest. But, I often ask myself what a "successful" harvest will look like. What if my children choose not to walk with the Lord? What if they are good and decent men, but don't want anything to do with the faith they were raised in? Will I think that they hadn't "turned out" and that my work was in vain? I have trouble thinking of things in such black and white terms. Sometimes the seed takes longer to grown into a thriving plant. And I can't imagine throwing in the towel and declaring myself a parenting failure if I get to the end of my active parenting days and my children don't act or look anything like I had imagined they would. I want to give them liberty, through Christ, to be who they are. I want to set aside my expectations of who they will become, and just let them be. I want to trust my Heavenly Father to lead them, pursue them, tend to them and help them grow. That is one job that I can take my hands off of. I can feel my spirit relax as I type this. There are so many things that are on my shoulders. There are so many tasks and jobs I have in rearing them that I get overwhelmed and exhausted. But this, this one thing of pursuing their spiritual hearts, this is not my job. And it may take a lifetime, but I believe that if I train them up in the way they should go, that when they are old they will not depart from it. And if it does, in fact, take a lifetime for this particular harvest, I will certainly NOT think they hadn't "turned" out along the way.

On Diligence

If I had to sum up my theme for this school year in one word, it would be "Diligence."  I know what the word means to me, but I wanted to look up the word to find it's exact meaning.  According to www.dictionary.com, the word "diligence" means: "constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or mind."
To me, diligence is that thing that makes me crawl out of my warm bed every.single.morning to educate my boys.  It is what makes me look tirelessly for new and creative ways to help them learn.  It is the characteristic that makes me keep doing what I am doing even though every part of me wants to quit some days.  When the apathy wants to overtake me, diligence is what makes me push it down so that we can be successful.
Diligence.
I want to take a closer look at the definition above:
(1) Diligence is constant. 
There are always days where the discipline of diligence takes a back-burner to other things. But diligence itself is what makes me pick right back up where I left off. My natural tendency is to completely give up if I cannot do something 100%. Because of my focus on diligence, I don't have to be at 100%. The key for me has been consistency. If something gets me off course one day, I get back on course the next.
(2) Diligence and accomplishment go hand in hand.
I may not always be able to see the results of what I do with the boys on a daily basis, but I know that there is tremendous accomplishment in what I am doing with them. The diligence of our daily efforts is what gives us accomplishment in the long-term.
(3) Diligence is not only something I utilize with my mind, but it is physical.
On those days I don't "feel" like doing school with the boys (and there are many of those days!), I make my physical self get up off the couch and walk downstairs to the school room to begin our day. Often times, overcoming my apathy is as simple as taking those few short steps to the basement. I pray diligence will be my constant companion in the years to come. Our success depends upon it.

Making Plans

It's that time of the year again.  Back-to-School.  This time of the year always leaves me feeling a bit left out, and a bit overwhelmed.  A bit left out because it all seems so exciting for the parents of little ones headed off to public or private school--the purchasing of new school supplies, meeting the new teacher and "back to school night", buying new school clothes and "the" backpack, parental thoughts of having whole days to yourself (without listening to sibling fighting, or complaints of not wanting to do chores or schoolwork!) to focus on work or personal projects.  And it hits me again that I have not chosen this well-travelled road, and it scares me a little.  I remember once again that I stand out on this limb, hovering over an endless crevice of which I know no bottom.  Every year I do this is another year I have not done this before.  I have never homeschooled a third grade boy and a busy five year old (and tried to balance an infant in there somewhere!).  Can I do it?  Anxiety sets in.  And that's when I become overwhelmed at the task.
But then, I click into gear, I start making plans and getting ideas, and the excitement returns.  I start meeting with my fellow homeschool mom-friends again (after our summer-long hiatus), and I remember I am not alone.  I start organizing and planning, and I realize I don't need to cover it "all" in one year, and by focusing on just a few things I can do it better!  And I remember why I am doing this:

(1) To disciple my children in a personal relationship with their Heavenly Father, and instill in them a Biblical Worldview.
(2) To remain close to them throughout their formative years.

I can do this.

Is Homeschooling a Biblical Command?

Is homeschooling a Biblical command?  My best short answer to this question?  No.  But, is there strong Biblical support for Bible-centered homeschooling?  Yes.  Obviously, this is a complicated issue, and one I have been asked recently, so I am going to do my best to attempt to answer it.
When I first began homeschooling Isaac as a preschooler in 2008, I can't say I necessarily felt "called" to homeschool.  I also didn't think it would be a sin for me to send him to public or private school (I still don't).  But, fast forward four years, and I can undoubtedly say that God has blessed me in my decision to homeschool a thousand times over.  The blessing comes not only in academic results that I see regularly, but in the relationship I have with my boys, and the path of learning God's Word and developing a Biblical worldview that they are on.  Believe me, there are days that are challenging beyond what I think I can handle.  But, those are also days I see God's Blessing in my decision to homeschool my children.  It is in my weakness that He can become stronger.  This isn't just a Christian platitude...I have seen it's application over and over in my daily life.  Just when I think I don't have the strength to do it anymore, God meets me at the point of my greatest need, and I can go on. 
I'm not one of those homeschoolers that can make a blanket statement that every Christian parent needs to homeschool their children.  There is strong evidence that it is effective in academic pursuits and in helping our children keep a Biblical worldview and have a relationship with God as adults.  There is an overwhelming amount of children, raised in Christian homes and going to public school that end up leaving the faith of their family in adulthood.  That statistic drops way down when the child has been homeschooled.  Do I believe that children can be salt and light in the public school system?  Yes, I firmly believe that.  It happened with me.  Because my faith was challenged in many ways throughout my public school education, I believe it made me a stronger Christian.  I had to know why I believed what I believed so that I could defend myself.  My faith became much more watered-down when I went to college at a Christian school.  I was a child that needed opposition to develop my faith.  My kids could be those type of children as well, but I am not willing to take the risk.
So, I have already stated that I believe God has blessed my decision to homeschool, He walks the path with me, and the empirical evidence strongly supports homeschooling as being academically and spiritually positive for my children.  But, is there an actual verse that one might cite as giving grounds for homeschooling?  Most in the homeschooling community would cite Deuteronomy 11:14-20
"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."  Teaching your children is a command given by the Lord in this verse.  And, because of it's constancy (when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, and when you lie down and when you get up), it can be practically applied to a homeschooling situation.  I have much more time with my children than if I were to send them away to school.  Are we constantly meditating on scripture?  No, but I do try to incorporate a Biblical worldview into many parts of our day.  I want the Bible to be so ingrained in them by the time they leave my nest, that living it is as natural as breathing.  There are no guarantees that my children will be the brightest and most spiritually sound people when they are ready to venture into adulthood, but I want to give them the best chance possible to achieve this. 

Fun with watercolors

Today Graham wanted to paint with watercolors. I had some stuff I needed to get done, so I set him loose with some paper and paint.
A few moments later, he comes and finds me to proudly present to me his watercolor he says is called "Even the wind and waves obey Him." At this point, my mama heart is bursting with pride because it shows me he is listening, REALLY listening, to those Bible verses he is memorizing for AWANA!

A few minutes later, he shows me this picture entitled "Church." He proceeds to point out the pews he and his brothers are sitting in and the band at the front of the church. (So far, so good, right?) Then, he points out the spaceship off to the side and the long, long line of people waiting to get into the spaceship at church.
Ummmm, OK.

No, we are not part of the "Heaven's Gate" denomination, I promise.

Gideon

Isaac had to write a paragraph about Gideon today. Here is what he wrote:
"Gideon was an ordinary guy until an angel appeared. He said, "Hello warrier." Gideon said "I am not a warrier, I am a farmer." Until one day Gideon and his men were sneaking outside the castle. They blew their horns and smashed pitchers. The bad guys were so confused that they started to kill themselves."
God saw Gideon as a warrier before he had lifted one weapon. God sees my children for what they will become someday, not just for the children they are now. I hope and pray that one day, they will be warriers for Him. Lord, please help me to point my children to You.

The other morning, I was visiting with another mom at a playgroup I was at. When I told her we were homeschooling, her first question was, "Do you have time for that?" The question caught me off-guard initially. I thought about it later and pondered why the question set me on edge a bit. I think it is the implication behind the question that homeschooling is something you "fit into" the day some how. Homeschooling isn't something you squeeze in between working out at the gym and going to work. Homeschooling is a way of life that permeates everthing you do. Yes, we have a set time we "do school," (i.e. the academics of homeschooling) but education permeates everything we do. Don't get me wrong--I am not one of those mothers who turns every trip to the grocery store into an all-out field trip (although we have actually done that a time or two!), but I do get the chance to have teachable moments with my children multiple times a day. I might catch a moment to teach Isaac about how to be a good friend when I see him treating his friend poorly, or I might correct his grammar when he is telling me somthing (yes, I admit, I do this 1,894 times per day and it will probably drive him to therapy someday). Or, like this morning, I might take a conversation about how old Grayson is to teach Isaac about how many weeks are in a month, how many weeks in a year, and so on, and have him add up weeks to tell me how many months old he is. I can use the current cold and flu season to teach Graham about why it's important to wash his hands, and the way our bodies work. I (try) to teach my children about the kind of love expressed in God's Word every day, through our interactions with each other. I am not perfect on this point, but this is where I can (try) to demonstrate the concept of forgiveness. I have thousands of teachable moments in any given day and we cover all sorts of topics. If I carved out "time" for these moments to magically happen, they probably wouldn't. I have to have three elements in place to make this happen every day--(1) a mom whose there, (2) a child whose there and (3) a willing heart to learn on the part of myself and my children. Once these three things are in place, the education can happen!
Shaping a little life entrusted to you by God is not something you make time for...it's the work of a lifetime, and I know it's what I was born to do.

Back in the saddle again....

Whew!
There's only a few inches of space between the last post and this one, but those few inches represent a WHOLE lotta change going on in our family!
First and foremost is this guy

He is personally responsible for leaving our homeschool in complete upheaval! But boy, is he worth it!
We are finally getting back to the new "normal" around here. Which means school is back in session, with a few changes.
One of the big changes recently is Isaac becoming a lot more independent in his work. He was always pretty good about getting to his school work in the morning, but he's even better at it now! I just don't have the time to sit with him for every subject, so he gets up in the morning, has breakfast with us, and then heads to the basement to get started. I go through whatever he needs help with as he needs the help. Then, we finish our school day with US Geography and Five in a Row together.
Little monkey needs a little more of mama's time. And, being four, I don't feel intensely guilty if I can't do school with him every single day. This week has been great, and we have been on the letter "M." Guess what the theme of "M" week was? M&Ms!! Graham loved doing his math and sorting games with a giant bag of M&Ms, which he proceeded to eat after each day's lesson. Isn't he the cutest?



Oh, and take a look at our dog Griff eyeballing that candy waiting for the slightest misstep on Graham's part. He knows whose chair to sit by-that's for sure!
Having a newborn has been a good reminder for me about WHY I am homeschooling. It would be tempting for me to go into panic-mode thinking about the hours we have lost while I have been recuperating. But that's when I remember the beauty of homeschooling (flexibility!!!) and the reason why I'm doing it (to have a good relationship with my children, and to be able to teach them the things I value, as well as encouraging their personal walk with God).

The value of the dreaded Christmas Toy Catalog

Every year, the arrival of the numerous toy catalogs to our home is a big event. Many parents dread the ensuing materialism that accompanys the catalog. There is inevitably endless whining and begging for the toys that look so appealing to little eyes.
However, I have realized how many ways we have (accidently) used these catalogs for educational purposes over the past two weeks:
*Isaac has added up the totals of the toys he wants, and has had great practice for triple digit (yikes!) addition.
*As he adds up the items, Isaac can see how much the things he wants costs, and we can compare that to the Christmas budget we actually have.
*Graham has used fine motor skills to circle the items he wants.
*Isaac has used penmanship skills to write out his very extensive list (writing is usually something he hates to do).
*The boys have learned to take turns with the catalogs, and have practiced sharing skills.

On Books...

We have recently discovered a few books that we love at our house!
Isaac is bridging from simple readers into more complex (but still easy to read) chapter books. He loves "Nate the Great" books, which is a series of chapter books about a little boy who is a detective. Isaac has always loved anything to do with mysteries, so I think that is why they have been a great fit for him.

Graham discovered the "McDuff" books completely on his own at the library.


He likes to browse the aisles of the library and just pull out random books that look interesting to him. I am sure the library ladies love to see him coming, knowing that there will be a big pile of books that mommy has secretly filtered out of his collection that need to be reshelved. McDuff was one of the books he chose one day, and both of us instantly loved it. We returned to the library and got all of the others they had on the shelf and checked them out.

I love the simple story lines, set in the 1940's (?). The pictures are beautifully drawn.
I think Graham likes the stories because of McDuff's resemblance to this guy

And, this isn't a new discovery, but all three of us love the Knuffle Bunny books. They are so funny, and were obviously written by someone who has or had small children at one time. All three of us have a good laugh everytime we read a Knuffle Bunny book.

This is, by no means, an exhaustive list of our favorite children's books, but it is what has been on our shelf lately...

On Reading...

Can I have a little "rah-rah for homeschooling" moment?
As I write this, Isaac is sitting quietly, reading a book. I didn't tell him to. I didn't bribe him. I didn't say he couldn't watch TV. I didn't say he couldn't play his DS. He is just reading, completely of his own volition. And it almost makes me want to cry. And I step back, and in astonishment realize that I helped him achieve that. In my weakness and imperfection, I taught my son to read. There were days I didn't think this would ever happen. A time or two I was downright concerned, and lifted the situation in prayer. I just didn't know if there ever would come a time when he would be able to read more than a few words on a page, let alone an entire book (and enjoy it!). I am so thankful for this that words aren't suitable.
I have always loved to read. I remember evenings snuggling in bed with my mom, each of us with our own book. I want to experience that with my children. I want them to be transported to other times and worlds and let reality slip away around them.
Thank you Heavenly Father, for the gift of reading!

I have been praying for awhile now for a verse that I could "claim" for homeschooling my boys. There were a few I had heard here and there that I liked, but they just didn't seem like quite the right verse. Then, a couple of nights ago at my women's Bible study, we happened to be reading this verse (for a reason that was completely undrelated to homeschooling), and it JUMPED off the page at me. I really feel like this is it: Isaiah 54:13-14
"All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children's peace.
In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you."
This verse touches me deeply on two levels. First is the obvious--I so wish my sons to be taught by the Lord through me. Secondly, so many of the world events happening right now disturb me. This verse does something to just put my spirit at ease.
Thank you Heavenly Father for your promises!

Magnificent Obsession

I have been so bogged down recently with thoughts of the future regarding homeschooling and my boys...so many times I wonder if I am doing it "right" or "wrong," and I spend countless hours thinking about ways I am going to do it better next year. This is all probably OK, because it pushes me to do better, but at some point, I find myself stopping to ask myself what is really important. I did that tonight. I was lost in some thoughts about my past tonight and something occurred to me...all that really matters is that my boys have a magnificent obsession with Jesus. I want them to be unafraid. I want them to stand on the precipice, their toes perched on the very edge, and leap off, knowing they will be safe in everlasting arms. Every generation hopes their children do better than they do, and I especially hope that in regards to spiritual things for my boys. There are so many things I already, in my 33 years, wish I had done differently in regards to my relationship with God. I wish I had left nothing reserved, and gone completely to the brink with him. I know I still can. But, I wish this to be a lesson my boys discover early in life. I want them to see things and experience things I never did. Things I was maybe too scared to, or things I worried what others would think of me so I didn't do.
Thinking about this stirs my heart, and I want to be up for the challenge. I don't want my life, my fears, my baggage, to in any way hinder them.

I have been sick. Like, puke your guts out until you can't even sit up straight sick. Honestly, in my adult memory, I cannot remember ever being quite this sick. I am finally back to "normal," but all of the things that I have let slide over the past few days came pounding on my door today. I feel like I am always one step away from all of the balls I have in the air crashing to the ground. I heard someone use the analogy of "margins" to explain this phenomenon once. The idea being that most of us live our life with no margin-room, we plan and schedule and prepare right up to the very edge of our life. Then, when "life" happens (i.e. you get sick), there is no wiggle room. That would explain me, and I know if I am to be successful in this homeschooling thing, I need to change it.
This first year has been a real year of identification for me. I have evolved from a person who not once referred to herself as a "homeschooling mom," to one who does so frequently. And, let me tell you, this transformation has not come quickly or easily.
I can't say I ever had that one great spiritual "experience" where I felt God "calling" me to homeschool my boys. Frankly, I still have doubts nearly every day if this is what I am supposed to be doing. And, I have no close family members who have undertaken this same journey. And, let's remember that I have never walked this road before either. My entire educational experience can be relegated mostly to public school. Therefore, I have no experience from which to draw. Most days I feel like I am in a black hole, feeling my way around for the next step. And, I send up a prayer that I am not doing damage to my precious babies in the meantime.
So, I ask myself: WHY am I doing this? What is really motivating me? Because, let's be honest, homeschooling is not something one takes on as a hobby.
In a nutshell, here are my primary reasons for doing this:
(1) relationship with my children: I want to be the one to teach them and to watch them learn.
(2) I want them to learn what I want them to learn.
(3) I want their education to be completely focused around God and the Bible.
(4) I want them to have the benefit of one-on-one time with their teacher (me!) every day!
(5) flexibility: I want to be able to go places with my children whenever I want.
(6) Homeschooled children are generally brighter and more confident (generally).
(7) I would love for my children to avoid the "socialization" that occurs in public schools today (and is getting worse with every passing year).

I wish I could say I have finally reached that point where I am completely sold out on the notion of homeschooling. I think I am almost there. I need to be there, because my heart has to be completely settled. I need to answer with a voice of authority when my son asks me why his life is different than his friends.

I pray He continues to open my eyes to ways He can use this adventure to glorify Him.

This past year was the first year of homeschooling Isaac. Looking back at the past few months, I can say that I have learned a ton. I can also say that it has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. They say your first year of homeschooling is always the most difficult, and I hope that is true for us. Probably the most challenging thing has been managing a toddler while trying to teach Isaac. Next year, I am implementing several solutions to this issue, which I will detail in later blog postings.
Homeschooling is definitely a journey, with a starting point, an ending point, and many hills and valleys in between. Through this blog, I hope to detail our journey. I plan to record ideas I have, things we have tried, things I hope to try, Isaac and Graham's progress and my own ramblings as I find my way.